Oh, You Thought You Were Special? - Navigating Rejection
If you’ve been around this here blog for a while, you know I suffer from Only-Child syndrome. Essentially, the majority of my existence revolved around being treated like the special ray of sunshine that I am. You may read about those debates on Instagram about whether the kid or the spouse comes first. Growing up in an only-child, divorced family, I was the center of attention because there was no spouse to compete with. My wants were granted, and I basked in the glow of my every mediocre achievement.
In a nutshell – I was brought up to feel special.
On rare occasions when a parent told me “No,” I had a system in place. For one, I would go and ask the other parent sometimes. This usually back-fired, and I have worked through the pain and suffering with a therapist years later. And other times, I would pout. Yes. I love a good pout. However, tantrums were a no-go in my African American household, where door slamming, eye-rolling, and foot-stomping were strictly forbidden. The only option was to take it personally and feel that a "No" meant I wasn’t loved. Yup. I’ve just saved someone thousands of dollars in therapy that I’ve already paid for. You’re welcome! (I’m not a Therapist; please, consider therapy, y’all!).
Both my boyfriend and I should be compensated for believing in my specialness. Sorry, handsome.
Even if you’re not an only child and have to share air and DNA with siblings, you’ve probably had moments where you felt special, too. Ugh, you deserve compensation, too. I would bet that at least one moment in your life, you probably felt special, too.
Think about that moment when you were like, yea, "I am not a copy-paste of atoms. I am unique. I’m special."
Then, reality hits. Rejection rears its head and reminds us that we’re not special and just an option. But here’s the kicker—while rejection tells us we’re not special, it also reminds us we’re not alone. Rejection is the great equalizer, the uninvited guest that pops up to remind us all that the world isn’t always going to say “Yes.” Rejection is universal, although it hits all of us a little differently. Everyone, everywhere, faces it at some point. Whether it's a swipe left on Tinder or an automated job application rejection, we’re all in this together. How beautiful is that?
For me, rejection is anything that doesn’t feel like a “Fuck Yes.” It’s not always a blatant “No.” Sometimes rejection comes with whispers from the universe saying, “Not at this time” or a “No, but maybe with these changes.” I know for sure, though, rejection is not a “Fuck Yes.”
The Dictionary defines rejection as “the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.” Rejection isn’t solely a word with its negative swirl of connotations but an experience. Rejection can be a concoction of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations, making for a unique experience that is not always welcomed with open arms. Rejection is not something that goes away; it is a constant part of life. Every single person at some point in their lives will experience rejection; as I’m writing this, someone is just heard, “No.” As you’re reading this, you may be in the middle of a rejection experience right now, too. Go ahead and check your inbox; there’s probably a nice “No” right at the top. Congratulations! Thus, rejection is something that I believe if we want to live our lives fully and experience all that life has in store for us and fulfill our purposes; we need to be able to navigate rejection.
Jokes aside, rejection hits us all a little differently, and a therapist can bring some childhood patterns and attachment styles to the forefront. Many therapists can confirm that your attachment styles and how you deal with rejection likely have roots in your childhood upbringing. Understanding this can be incredibly helpful.
As a friend, not a therapist, I encourage you to explore and understand why you are the way you are. Therapy can help you connect past experiences with present behaviors and reactions. It’s a journey of self-discovery that can lead to becoming the best version of yourself.
I believe that, like Fear and Change, if we don’t have practical, efficient, and impactful ways of navigating rejection, we risk rejection affecting our lives in unideal fashions. Whether that’s slipping into depression (if encountering this, please seek professional support!), fearing rejection so much that we never try to accomplish our fears, and just not becoming the versions of ourselves we’re meant to be are just some of the ways that rejection can hijack our lives if left unchecked. I’m all about living my life full out and helping others to do the same. Since you’re here, too, I can only assume you’re on a similar life path. Sometimes, rejection gets in the way of doing just that.
Rejection is a part of life. However, with some self-awareness and practical steps, we can build a toolbox to navigate it gracefully and efficiently. We can find humor and gifts in rejection, party alongside it, and embrace it as a necessary part of our human experience.
Key Takeaways
Specialness and Reality Check: Growing up feeling special can lead to a harsh reality check when rejection hits. Rejection reminds us that we are not as unique as we might have believed but also connects us to the shared human experience.
Rejection is Universal: Everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives, whether in personal relationships or professional endeavors. It’s a shared experience that unites us all.
Emotional Response to Rejection: Rejection isn’t just a simple “No”; it can evoke a mix of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations. Understanding this can help us better navigate our responses to rejection.
Navigating Rejection: Without practical strategies to handle rejection, it can negatively impact our lives, leading to fear, depression, and a lack of personal growth. Developing a toolkit to manage rejection is crucial for living life fully.
Practical Steps
Shift Your Perspective: View rejection as a learning opportunity rather than a personal failure. Understand that rejection is about the offer, not about you as a person.
Know Yourself: Separate your identity from your achievements and failures. Recognize that rejection is part of the process of growth and self-discovery.
Practice Gratitude: Find something to be grateful for in every rejection experience. This could be the lessons learned, the feedback received, or the resilience built.
Seek Support: If you struggle with rejection, consider talking to a therapist and a Coach. Understanding your attachment styles and childhood patterns with a therapist or how you want to move forward and navigate rejection more effectively with a Coach can be effective.
Build a Toolbox: Develop strategies to cope with rejection. This could include mindfulness practices, positive affirmations, and a support network of friends and family.
While we may have been raised to feel special, it’s the experiences of rejection that truly shape us, remind us of our shared humanity, and help us grow. Ready to embrace rejection and live life "Full Out"? Join me at Full Out Coaching, where we transform rejections into resilience. Schedule your complimentary discovery call today, and let’s unlock your full potential together!
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